My Reality Check

It's been a long time since I've posted. Sorry, everybody. I got a new job and have been working 50 hours a week. Both my moped and bike have now become out of service, so I commute by foot now, and that takes a long time. This means I have pretty much not spent any time writing or on the computer at all recently.

I recently wrote a post about finally hooking up with a friend who I've like for a long time. Well, we decided to try the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing out. It's been great fun! I really like this guy and definitely gain a lot of emotional fulfillment out of being with him.

We decided to keep the relationship open under the conditions that (1) We always use a condom, and (2) we tell each other every time we have a new partner. This was a great setup.

But...there's a problem. I neglected to tell Liam that I'd had unprotected sex with somebody before we started dating (well, the condom broke). When this information finally surfaced, it was a large rift in trust. Having an open relationship when you can't trust your partner is hard. So both times I told him about new partners, he had a really difficult time receiving the information out of fear that I was lying about my use of protection with them, and out of fear that I wasn't using any protection. To quell his fears, I decided to get tested on everything.

I went down to the local Planned Parenthood and was shocked to discover that Rick Perry stripped Texas of all its state funding. Therefore, all services were full-priced. I dished out a hundred and fucking ninety dollars on credit (money I don't have) and in exchange was tested on every goddamn STI known to man. They said everything looked good but they'd get back to me in three days with all the results.

So yesterday rolled around and I was woken up by a phone call from the doctor.

Positive for chlamydia. Fuck.

Well that's gross. I feel tainted, irresponsible, and stupid. Luckily the fix is easy. I just have to take one little pill and then it's gone forever. It's easier than treating a UTI. But, for the next two weeks I can't drink at all and I also can't have any sex, not even while using a condom with my boyfriend Liam who surely has it too.

I thought back to all the people that I've fucked in the last 60 days, and Landon is the only one with whom it has been unprotected who didn't have clean paperwork to show me. So, he's the one who gave it to me. Though I haven't seen him in over a month, I called him to tell him that he had chlamydia and he needed to get treated and couldn't have sex for the next two weeks.

Well shit, he already knew. In fact, he knew WHEN we were having sex that he had it. And when he saw the condom was broken, he neglected to tell me to get myself fucking tested and treated. I mean, dude. It's fucking chlamydia. It's not a big deal at all. There's no reason to lie about fucking chlamydia if you come inside a gal. Just tell her so she can get the easy-peasy antibiotic without spreading it around to everybody else.

The reason why I stopped seeing Landon over a month ago was because he started having unprotected sex with another girl without getting her tested, and so he was putting himself and myself at risk. I later found out that she is Liam's ex (Liam is my boyfriend... small fucking world). After Liam broke up with her, she ended up fucking a friend of his who is HIV positive and also positive for Hep C, without using a condom any time.

So, I told Landon that the gal he was fucking was probably positive for HIV or Hep C or both just in case he wasn't already aware. Of course he broke down and freaked out and now he's going to get himself tested in two months to find out if he has either.

Shit, I dodged a bullet with him, because I stopped seeing him right before he started seeing her.

But the point is, through all my promiscuity, I got chlamydia and narrowly missed getting HIV and Hep C. That shit is fucked up. And I'm scared out of my mind. So is Liam. What a reality check.

And so we came up with a solution.

Monogamy.

Jesus fucking Christ. I'm not excited about it. But I'm scared of STIs right now, and so is he, and the emotional fulfillment that I get from him is worth the sexual frustration that I will most likely be experiencing in monogamy.

We need time for his trust to rebuild in me. I mean, first I told a lie, and then second I gave him an STI. Yeah, some trust definitely needs to be rebuilt. Then of course we need to figure out a way to really, 100% protect ourselves against STIs with other people. My guess is it will be months before the idea of opening our relationship back up is thrown on the table again.

We'll see how long this lasts. I wonder if I can actually successfully do monogamy again. I really care about Liam, so I will give it my best shot.

Point is... get yourself and every partner you have tested every three months, and ALWAYS use a condom. Don't trust what anybody tells you about if they're clean or not. They do not know. I didn't know; I didn't have any symptoms, and I trusted the empty words of my partners. Therefore, I got chlamydia and unknowingly spread it to other people.

Good luck in this scary world!!