Q&A - Age ranges

<Redacted> asks: "I'm curious about your position regarding older vs. younger partners and your experience. Please make that your next blog post!"

I love the quote by Jimi Hendrix, "Age is not a number; it's a state of mind."

I think that's true. There is a year a person is born, and there is a number which represents the number of years a person has lived, but I do not think that's what age means. Age is the state of mind a person takes on, and is a way to generally categorize ourselves. We tend to socialize and bond best with people of our own age group, because we are in similar life stages. For instance, somebody who is 40 years old will most likely have had far more life experiences than me and a totally different take on life philosophies. I've never experienced what it means to be married, have children, witness my parents die, raise a family, buy a home, etc. These are all major life steps that I so far have not taken, and therefore there is a level that I will not be able to relate with people who have taken those steps.

From a purely sexual standpoint, I think age is completely irrelevant. If you're attracted to somebody, and they're attracted to you, and everybody is consenting and everything is legal, then go for it! The oldest person I have been with is 34. That's a 14 year age gap. He's lived over 1/3 as long a life as I have. He's seen way more and is in a totally different place than I have. The sex is unbelievably fantastic, but I could not be in a relationship with him. There is just too much that separates us socio-emotionally.

On that note, I really can't stand people my own age. I hear many other 20-year-olds saying that to try to make themselves look cool and mature, but it's legitimately true. With the exception of my best friends who is 19 (she's absolutely amazing and defies expectations in maturity), I can't stand people my own age. Most 20-year-olds think they know everything about the world and think they're bulletproof. They're spiteful, jealous, selfish, narcissistic... I mean, the list goes on. Social interactions with other 20-year-olds is like a nightmare with me. They're still children.

So the idea of a regular 30-year-old dating a regular 20-year-old seems fucked up to me because most 20-year-olds are intolerable, and that 30-year-old would really have to be compromising on a number of levels to stoop down to the mindset of a 20-year-old.

However, and this may be completely pretentious of me to say, I've left that life stage that most 20-year-olds are in. I've been in a 3 year relationship with a person I lived with, I've dealt with many life traumas, I've experienced a reckless and abusive childhood, and have overall been through a lot more than most people. I grew up fast. That's just how it is. Therefore, most of my friends are in their late twenties or early thirties. Holden, who I mentioned in my last blog post, is 29. I know for a while his friends made fun of him for spending time with somebody so young, but as they've gotten to know me, they understand why.

There is huge social stigma around age differences when you're dealing with anybody under 35 (once you hit that mark, you can date upwards of 50 or 60 and not many people would bat an eyelash). But I say, if you feel you have a true connection with somebody of a totally different age, don't let social standards drive your actions. Let your own intuition and good sense help you to make the decisions that are right for you and your potential partner(s).

To conclude:

I once had a couch surfer who listed his age as 108 and said that he will never reveal the true number to anybody. He had a youthful spirit and many lines on his face. I really have no idea how old he is. I'd say as young as 25 or as old as 40. In the end, it didn't matter. He was a joy to be around!

Update


<Redacted> asks: "Is there an age that's too old for you?"

Well, for the most part, I am not attracted to men who are reaching their upper thirties. Biologically we're designed to be attracted to people who look our own age, and that instinct probably kicks in for me when I'm interacting with men right around age 35. However, last night I had an amazing dream that I was fucking a 37-year-old who I've wanted since we met. He's absolutely beautiful, but he certainly looks not a day older than 30.

Point is, if you're sexy, your age doesn't matter. You just stop being quite as sexually attractive in my eyes starting around mid-thirties. As I get older, that ceiling will obviously raise.