Q&A - Age ranges

<Redacted> asks: "I'm curious about your position regarding older vs. younger partners and your experience. Please make that your next blog post!"

I love the quote by Jimi Hendrix, "Age is not a number; it's a state of mind."

I think that's true. There is a year a person is born, and there is a number which represents the number of years a person has lived, but I do not think that's what age means. Age is the state of mind a person takes on, and is a way to generally categorize ourselves. We tend to socialize and bond best with people of our own age group, because we are in similar life stages. For instance, somebody who is 40 years old will most likely have had far more life experiences than me and a totally different take on life philosophies. I've never experienced what it means to be married, have children, witness my parents die, raise a family, buy a home, etc. These are all major life steps that I so far have not taken, and therefore there is a level that I will not be able to relate with people who have taken those steps.

From a purely sexual standpoint, I think age is completely irrelevant. If you're attracted to somebody, and they're attracted to you, and everybody is consenting and everything is legal, then go for it! The oldest person I have been with is 34. That's a 14 year age gap. He's lived over 1/3 as long a life as I have. He's seen way more and is in a totally different place than I have. The sex is unbelievably fantastic, but I could not be in a relationship with him. There is just too much that separates us socio-emotionally.

On that note, I really can't stand people my own age. I hear many other 20-year-olds saying that to try to make themselves look cool and mature, but it's legitimately true. With the exception of my best friends who is 19 (she's absolutely amazing and defies expectations in maturity), I can't stand people my own age. Most 20-year-olds think they know everything about the world and think they're bulletproof. They're spiteful, jealous, selfish, narcissistic... I mean, the list goes on. Social interactions with other 20-year-olds is like a nightmare with me. They're still children.

So the idea of a regular 30-year-old dating a regular 20-year-old seems fucked up to me because most 20-year-olds are intolerable, and that 30-year-old would really have to be compromising on a number of levels to stoop down to the mindset of a 20-year-old.

However, and this may be completely pretentious of me to say, I've left that life stage that most 20-year-olds are in. I've been in a 3 year relationship with a person I lived with, I've dealt with many life traumas, I've experienced a reckless and abusive childhood, and have overall been through a lot more than most people. I grew up fast. That's just how it is. Therefore, most of my friends are in their late twenties or early thirties. Holden, who I mentioned in my last blog post, is 29. I know for a while his friends made fun of him for spending time with somebody so young, but as they've gotten to know me, they understand why.

There is huge social stigma around age differences when you're dealing with anybody under 35 (once you hit that mark, you can date upwards of 50 or 60 and not many people would bat an eyelash). But I say, if you feel you have a true connection with somebody of a totally different age, don't let social standards drive your actions. Let your own intuition and good sense help you to make the decisions that are right for you and your potential partner(s).

To conclude:

I once had a couch surfer who listed his age as 108 and said that he will never reveal the true number to anybody. He had a youthful spirit and many lines on his face. I really have no idea how old he is. I'd say as young as 25 or as old as 40. In the end, it didn't matter. He was a joy to be around!

Update


<Redacted> asks: "Is there an age that's too old for you?"

Well, for the most part, I am not attracted to men who are reaching their upper thirties. Biologically we're designed to be attracted to people who look our own age, and that instinct probably kicks in for me when I'm interacting with men right around age 35. However, last night I had an amazing dream that I was fucking a 37-year-old who I've wanted since we met. He's absolutely beautiful, but he certainly looks not a day older than 30.

Point is, if you're sexy, your age doesn't matter. You just stop being quite as sexually attractive in my eyes starting around mid-thirties. As I get older, that ceiling will obviously raise.

Q&A - Anal Sex

<Redacted> asks: "I want to fuck my girlfriend in the ass, but she had a bad anal experience with an ex boyfriend of hers (like so many women) and thinks she's turned off from it forever. How can she get comfortable having anal sex again?"


This definitely happened to me. I tried anal sex for the first time when I was fifteen years old with my first boyfriend. I let him do all the research on how to go about it and then we tried it together -- he managed to wiggle his way inside, but after that it just felt like pooping. Pretty awful. I thought I'd never do it again.

Speed up to five years later (now), and I freaking love anal sex!  I can usually get pounded as hard and as fast as in most porn. I even think that after all this time, I'm finally ready for DP (which will happen in January!)

So how did I get to this point?

Q&A — My girlfriend is fat! Help!

<Redacted> asks: "What is the best way to let your lover know she is letting herself go and isn't turning you on anymore?"

Ooh, good question. This is something that Dan Savage has written about a few times in his column Savage Love. I'd try to see if I could find something that he says if I were you.

If *I* were letting myself go, what I'd want my lover/boyfriend to say is something along the lines of this:

"Hey, would you ever be interested in working out with me? I am thinking of starting a new health regime where I eat healthy and work out x days a week, and I'd really like a partner in crime to help keep me on track. It'd be a lot of fun and we'd both look sexier. Think of how fantastic fucking will be with our perfectly sculpted bodies."

I know that dialogue sounds a bit silly, but if you do it in a flirtatious and playful tone, it won't be so cheesy.

Be sure to do this when she's in a generally good mood. If she seems easily agitated, or if she switches into a sad and/or mad mood easily, save it for when she seems more stable. You really wouldn't want her to retort with, "What, do you think I'm fat?!"

If she DOES retort with that, the best thing to say might be:

"No, I don't think you're fat. I think that being healthy is a really great thing to be, and it's important to me that my lover be able to keep up with me in terms of physical standards. It'd mean a lot if you'd do this with me. Plus, women who take care of their bodies are incredibly sexy and turn me on a lot."

Anyway, good luck! Let me know how it goes.

The Dos and Don'ts of Online Dating -- Profiles and First Messages

I have received an overwhelming amount of questions regarding online dating and OKCupid. So I'm going to take a moment (a very, very long moment) to write out a post that is apparently quite necessary.

The first thing I'm going to talk about is...

HOW TO MAKE A GOOD PROFILE

This blog post already does a great job in describing what to do, and I've seen his OKC profile. It's really quite brilliant. But I'm going to break down my own thoughts for y'all.

PHOTOS:

The number one rule of online dating is be attractive.
The number two rule of online dating is don't be unattractive.

This means that all in all, your profile text means nothing compared to your photos. You don't even have to be that good looking, but if you have great photos, it'll make you look fucking attractive. How do you achieve this, you ask?

• Use only high-quality photos. None of this iPhone bullshit. If you can get photos of you taken by somebody with a professional-quality camera, that's best. OKTrends wrote a great blog post about camera quality and response rates.
• Make sure that all your photos are taken by other people. No self-shots, and certainly no mirror shots!
• Shirtless shots are proven to be more effective. But for my sake, and the sake of every other woman out there, please don't be a narcissistic douchebag who has a bathroom mirror shot taken with a cellphone. God, those photos are so horrible, and it doesn't matter how good looking or interesting you are; I will automatically block you and won't respond to your messages if I see this. Instead, have a photo of you playing beach volleyball, or a shot of you with the swim team, or maybe you're climbing a tree, or maybe you're surfing! Have yourself in a setting where you're doing something interesting so that it distracts from the weirdness of the fact that you're posting a partially-nude photo of yourself to attract women online.

Q&A — Cock Sizes

<Redacted> asks: “What’s the biggest cock that you’ve sucked or fucked?”

I don’t exactly go around measuring cocks.  But… if I had to guess… he was probably 8 or 9 inches and my fingertips didn’t touch when I wrapped my hand around the thickest part. I took him in all three holes. It was a beautiful cock, a little hard to take, and I don’t think I’ll ever go bigger.

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<Redacted> asks: “Does size really matter?”

It may look nicer if it’s bigger, but for actual sensation, size does not matter, as long as you’re not too small or too big. What matters is technique!