Shroomy Sexuality

Over this past weekend, I tried mushrooms for the first time in my life. I really have no idea how much I took -- it was in chocolate. It was certainly enough to give me an interesting experience.

I went in not really knowing anything about shrooms. I had no idea what to expect. I thought either my sexual urges would be intensified or completely suppressed during the trip, but in fact neither happened. Sexually, I felt exactly as I always do.

So the background story is that I went into a forest with my new roommates Jonathan and Scott.

Jonathan is somebody who I intensely like. I mean, not only am I sexually attracted to him, but I'm attracted to him in a relationship-type way. That is rare. However, he's in a long distance relationship with another woman...who will be moving in with us in two weeks (ugh). He has implied that there is mutual attraction, but I doubt he'd ever act on it. OH WELL.

Scott is somebody who, though I'm not attracted to romantically in any way, is very physically attractive.

The whole time I just wanted to fuck them. I wanted to kiss Jonathan. I wanted to reach out and touch Scott's legs. I wanted to remove my clothes and be naked and rub my body on theirs.

These desires were no different than my normal, every-day desires. The only difference is that I consciously thought the words in my mind, "I'd like to reach out and touch Scott's fantastic legs."

So that was interesting, being on a mind-altering substance but not having my sexuality change in any way (as opposed to when I'm drunk or high from marijuana).

But it led me to think about sexuality in women versus men. I'm not going to write some long essay about this (not on this blog, at least), but I have a bit of a rant. I feel like the typical words that often describe men are "dog" and "disgusting" and "only wants one thing," and for women it's more like, "crazy" and "prude". Well I just completely disagree with all that.

I am a woman. I am very much a woman. And fuck, the thoughts that run through my mind are almost always sexual, if not completely sick. I think of what would be the best way to get into a man's pants; I imagine what he'd look like naked; I like to think of what it'd be like to fuck him or them. And sometimes I also think of my dignity and try to be rational. I know men work in a similar fashion. So why are men considered disgusting, and women considered prudes? I see no difference here.

Point is, I want to fuck all the things.