Meeting People

Where do I meet the people I fuck? A lot of places. I met censoredon OKCupid. I met censored at school in the dining hall. I met censored on the craigslist casual sex section. (I posted an ad looking for a particular adventure, he was one of the few hundred who responded, and he won.) I met censored because he was my couch surfer. I met censored and censored in a cafe and we just started talking.

I also meet lots of people that I end up not fucking for whatever reason, or I haven’t fucked yet.
I met censored on the street. He was on his skateboard, and he pushed past me. He scared the crap out of my because I didn’t hear him coming. He apologized, and kept moving on…but he kept looking back. And I was staring at him with my mouth open because fuck, he was handsome. Then he got to the red light and had to wait for it to turn green. I managed to catch up to him before then. I walked by him and just stared directly at him. I think it made him pretty uncomfortable because he very awkwardly said, “Hi…how are you..?” I stopped in my tracks and said, “I’m doing well…you?” And then we started talking. THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT. Just fucking stare. Just talk to him (or her). Be direct. Direct, unwavering eye contact will grab a person’s attention. Stopping in your tracks to talk to a person will grab that person’s attention. Just fucking do it.

I met censored (we’ll call him “super sexy-hair hot guy”) in a pretty unusual way. I was walking home from the park with my friendcensored and we heard this live music playing. This was strange because we were in a neighborhood — a residential area, not some warehouse district, and there were certainly no cafes on the corner. Well we were curious so we looked around a bit until we figured out which house it was coming from. I, being the curious little me that I am, decided to find out more. I knocked on the door and these two really hot chicks answered. They invited us in to watch their friends play in the back of the house. It was just a band practice, not a performance. There were four dudes playing music together, shirtless and drinking beer, and they were unbelievably talented. After a few songs we talked a bit, exchanged a little more hugs than is normal, and went home. About a week later we ran into them at a restaurant! They sat at the table next to ours. At first I didn’t recognize them. All I could think was, “Jeeze that guy is fucking hot.” His hair style was unbelievably attractive too, and I couldn’t stop eyeing him. Then, my friend censored recognized them and told me it was those guys from the house that we just happened to wander into. So I started talking to them, and eventually I got super sexy-hair hot guy’s number. Yeah, I hardly knew the guy, but he was hot as hell and I’d been in his house and he could play bass like you wouldn’t believe, so I just flat-out asked him if he wanted to go play a game of capture-the-flag in the park with me, and I got his number, and THAT’S HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT.

The point of this blog post is to just put yourself out there. If you want to fuck somebody, and you want to fuck somebody attractive, then just be confident, be direct, ask for numbers, or offer up your own. Join online dating sites — they can be a bit of a disaster but can also be really awesome. Advertise for sex on craigslist if you want (even though it’s totally skeezy and dangerous…so be careful). Talk to people at work or at school or at the library or in line at the movie theatre or that girl sitting at the table next to yours in your favorite restaurant or at the gym–

OH YES. THE GYM. The gym is the single best place to pick up people. Well, at least for me it is. I’m a rock climber. I spend a lot of time climbing and I’m fuckin good at it for how little I’ve been climbing. The climbing gym is a great place to pick people up for these reasons:

1. You can easily strike up conversations. “Can you help me figure out how to finish this boulder problem?” or “Do you need a belay?” or “Put your right foot on that yellow hold by your knee!” I imagine if you’re a weight lifter, you could say, “Do you need somebody to spot you so you can bench this?” or “Wow, that’s a lot of weight you’re lifting! I remember how proud I felt when I reached that level,” or “I can’t wait until I can lift as much as you.”
2. You can show off your skillz. I always try to wear a tank top that shows a lot of skin so that people can see how awesome my muscles are when I climb. Either that or I’ll just take off the shirt altogether and wear a sportsbra. Men– if you’ve got the body for it, take off your shirt. I love to look at your muscles.
3. The people around you are all going to be sexy.
4. YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. Dude. Rock climbing is my passion. I love it. And if you rock climb, I’m going to love you too. And whoa, if you’re a rock climber, you’re probably really sexy and I’m probably really attracted to you just because you climb, and — well, I like looking at your back when you’re on the wall, but I especially love kissing it when you’re naked in my bed.

The point is (I know I’ve already said what the point is but here it is again but kind of different this time): You can meet people anywhere. You don’t even have to be super good looking or super alpha. All you need is the confidence to go up to somebody and say, “Hey..you’re really attractive. Can I give you my number? Or can I get yours?” And yes, you’ll be rejected, many times, but who gives a fuck? What counts is that sometimes you will get those magical digits, and that will possibly lead to an awesome night of fucking, or hopefully lots and lots of awesome nights of fucking. And maybe marriage and babies too, if you’re into that kind of stuff.